Livin' It Up Law School Style

The First Year, They Scare You To Death;
The Second Year, They Work You To Death;
The Third Year, They Bore You To Death.

Glimpses into the oh-so-exciting life of a 3rd year student at LSU Law School

6/27/2006

Cooking With Katrina

A Compendium of Politically Correct Recipes Developed under Peculiar Circumstances

In the aftermath of last August’s unpleasantness, we saw many images on television, in newspapers, magazines and the ubiquitous Internet (thanks, Al, for this neat invention!) of local folk engaged in activities that some unenlightened persons might conclude were felonious or at the least, may we say, misdemeanorious. Our always helpful mass media have assured us that these images portrayed desperate citizens gathering food, milk, water and diapers to tide (no pun intended) them over until governmental rescue (forgive the oxymoron) was achieved. In order to reconcile what we saw with our eyes with what we were told by the various editors and talking heads, we have spared no expense, but have enlisted the services of that renowned local chef de cuisine and eminence grise of the redoubtable Chaine of Rotisserie Chickens, and Chevalier of the Confraternity of Tasteslikewino, Commander Paul Antwine Galitwarnotlevees, to provide the following recipes for the foodstuffs that made their way across our television sets in the wake (no pun intended) of that infamous tropical cyclone. This is dedicated to our dear friends, Sally, Susie, Bonnie and Jan, magnificent chefs each and every one, who gallantly remained behind, heedless of the mayoral calls for a “voluntary mandatory evacuation” and witnessed firsthand “making groceries Katrina-style.”

Fricassee de Plasma TV

From your local Wally-World-Mart, select a ripe plasma TV (Sony for tenderness or Toshiba if you’re on a budget—but who counts their pennies under these circumstances); drag 6 blocks through 3 feet of water enhanced with Murphy oil
Place in a large All-Clad Dutch Oven—in honor of the engineers who decades ago figured out how to protect valuable commercial and historic sites from the watery onslaughts of Mother Nature but forgot to tell the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (you know, the one you picked up at Williams-Sonoma Canal Place) and bake at 350 degrees until mouth-wateringly tender. Garnish with Brittany Spears CDs
No need to add water, since this recipe has the advantage of using the TV’s own liquid crystal and the Murphy-enhanced water through which the main attraction was dragged away

Grilled Ferragammo Filets
On your new propane grill, liberated from Home Depot, grill your new Italian leather sling backs (sizes 5-7: filets; Sizes 7-9: T-bones; Sizes 10 and up: Big Gal Porterhouses) to desired doneness. Garnish generously with greenbacks freshly scooped from Oakwood Mall’s cash registers—those new 20s and 50s add welcome color to this dish.

Cotelettes de Cuir
Take those leather jackets from Canal Place, drag through 2 feet of Crème GentilLY’, trim into cutlets, place in a triple-ply steel sauté pan from Gentry and simmer in the Merlot from Martin’s on Baronne Street until tender. Serve with Snoop CDs.

Gucci Belt Roulade
Roll those buttery soft belts tightly, secure with gold chains from the Mall, place in that Calphalon roasting pan from Macy’s and roast at 350 degrees until tender. This could take a while, buttery soft though they be. Serve with that case of Super Tuscan you found at Whole Foods

Blackberry Bouillabaisse au Chocolat Renversee
Line a tin pan with carmelized sugar, swirl in those Blackberries you “picked” at Radio Shack and add petit iPods to taste, reverse onto the family Flora Danica, drizzle with melted chocolate from the Godiva shop and garnish with Oxycontin from Walgreen’s on St. Charles for truly painless calories.

Oscar de la Baclava
Drag four evening dresses (size your choice) from Weinstein’s for 6 blocks through three feet of Eau de Chalmette; Air-dry, cut into squares and layer with Black Talon bullets from your local gunshop in that cool spice-colored LeCreuset pan from Williams Sonoma; bake at 350.

All dishes are to be served “hot”, like their ingredients.

As the perfect accompaniment, top your meal off with a nice case of Heineken.

Lest you think we have forgotten the diaper business, what else do you think they were going to do with all those Hermes scarves from Saks?

3 Comments:

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Steve said...

Nice recipes, although it sounds like some of them would be a tad tasteless.

Just to let you know, we're experiencing flooding here in NC thanks to the nonstop rain of the past few days. The Hickory area has been particularly hard hit. You should check ahead to make sure the horse show hasn't been cancelled due to foul weather.

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger Deathknyte said...

Hungry, want food.

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger LSULawChick said...

Steve, not to worry - the horse show isn't until July 25-29. Hopefully, no flooding in Asheville then.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home